DEAR ABBY: I am in seventh grade. After I finished elementary school, my parents decided to move to a town with a high-quality education system. I moved to the United States from another country when I was seven, and my parents put a lot of emphasis on my education. In sixth grade, I put a lot of work into my classes because I came from a town that did not have such a good education system. Since I wanted to catch up with my peers in middle school, I spent a lot of time on my academics. I got straight A+’s in all my classes. I am a good student. I have self-discipline, and I’m friendly towards my classmates. I have a close friend, and we sometimes talk and hang out after school. However, I feel that I am alone all the time. I am not popular, not like I was in my old elementary school. When there is group work, I’m usually the one left out. During lunch, nobody sits with me. Gradually, I realized I had a lack of self-confidence when I was around my peers. I want to make friends, but it is difficult for me. What should I do to assimilate into the new school environment?
Dear seventh grade student, It sounds like you have are great family that wants the best for you. It is very important to have a supportive family that is always there for you when you need them. Making the transition into a new school and a new country is a very tough change. Even though you have a close friend, you can try to start to make connections and form friendships with others. You can try a few things to start making the connections with your peers and even with your teachers inside and outside of the classroom. When your inside of the classroom and it is time for group work, try to make the initiative to join a group. If that makes you nervous you can also talk to the classroom teacher who can place you in a group so you are not left out. Group settings provide for a great opportunity to make connections with other students in your class. The cafeteria is also a good place where you can make connections with other kids your age. Next time you are walking into the cafeteria and are looking for a place to sit, try to sit with someone from one of your classes that you think you can make a connection with. Lastly, to get away from the classroom/school setting, you should join an after-school program like theater, sports, or student government. You should bring your friend with you so you can both try something new and meet new people. Good luck making connections, I believe that you can do it and that you will gain many friends! -Abby
DEAR ABBY: I am now in my second month of being a seventh grader. This is the first year of middle school and it is overwhelming. I absolutely loved elementary school because I was really close to the teachers and I had a solid group of friends. All of my really close friends are on a different team than I am on. I feel virtually alone in all of my classes and I feel like I do not have anyone to talk to. I am usually outgoing and very talkative, but I have not acted myself lately. The part of day that I dread the most is when the bell rings to go to the next class. I am constantly being bullied when I am in the hallways. I am an overweight kid with glasses and braces, so I am an easy target. I just want people to accept me for who I am. I have tried to talk to my parents about my situation, but I feel like they just do not understand what I am going through. What do you think I can do to be accepted by my fellow classmates? –SEVENTH GRADE STRUGGLES
Dear Seventh Grade Struggles, You sound like a great and a cool kid. You should look for the classmates who make you feel good and surround yourself with them. Nobody should walk around afraid; talk with a principal or teacher if you need to. Don’t forget, you can still see your friends before and after school, during lunch, and in the halls between classes. If you feel alone during classes, try talking to new people in the class or asking your friends if they know anyone in that class. Also, being alone isn’t a bad thing during class; it allows you to focus on content and notetaking. Keep in touch with your friends. Abby
DEAR ABBY: I am a seventh grade boy, and I feel scared. Every day after school, I get home to an empty house. It’s awesome! No one is there to force me to do my homework or eat my vegetables. My mom gets home around 7:00 to make me and my older brother dinner and she leaves around 9:00 for her hospital job. My father comes home around 8:30, typically stumbling drunk, and yells at me for having my clothes everywhere. His punches don’t hurt when he drinks. Afterwards, he goes upstairs with my mom and I hear both of them yelling at each other. My mom leaves the house for work crying. When my mom gets home the next morning after work, she sometimes has bruises or a black eye. When my brother gets out of the shower, I notice he has cut marks up his arm. When I ask him about it, he pushes me and tells me that it’s “none-ya.” I want to cry in bed at night, but my dad says real guys don’t cry. I feel scared. What should I do? -SCARED SEVENTH GRADER
Being alone at home may seem awesome but there are other things you can do after school. Try to see if there are any after school programs that interest you. Try talking to your guidance counselor about what program =s you school has. These programs are a great way to meet others and keep you occupied while your parents are at work.
Regarding what goes on at home, just be sure that it is not your fault. Find an adult that you trust and feel comfortable with and talk about it. Feel free to express your emotions, regardless of gender everyone should be able to express how they feel. Don’t think that because you cry you are less of a boy, crying when you are upset is good for you.
I am an eighth grade student at an inner city middle school located in Chicago, Illinois. My family and I recently moved from a small town named Bethlehem, New Hampshire to Chicago after my father was transferred to the Boeing Headquarters where he is an engineer. Although I have always enjoyed going to school and have always excelled academically, it has been a difficult adjustment for me at my new school. Chicago is only the second place I have ever lived, so in comparison to Bethlehem, New Hampshire it feels like the world went and got itself in some sort of hurry. In Bethlehem, I had a core of friends who went to the same school and lived in the same neighborhood as me; whereas in Chicago I have no friends - partly because my family and I live in a high-rise condo on the outskirts of the city. At my old school in Bethlehem I felt valued and accepted by my peers for my friendly, caring, and humorous personality traits. Here in Chicago, getting someone to say hello back is something of an accomplishment; never mind having someone get to know me long enough to find out we have common interests. Just when I thought things could not get any worse for me at my new school, they did when I was bullied by another eighth grade boy in the corridor between classes last Friday. I do not know much about the boy, nor does he know much about me, but he decided to say some hurtful things about my weight while his friends and other students watched. Now the weekend is here and for the first time in my life I am not looking forward to going to school on Monday. I have no friends to share my dilemma with and have not been able to talk with my parents about it. I am writing to you today because it feels easier to ask for advice in an informal way like through your column. I would appreciate any insight you can offer that would help me with my current situation.
Moving away from everything you have known into a foreign land is tough and being met with bullying makes it even tougher. Without knowing your bully I can not tell you why he targeted you, however, I would ask that you talk to a teacher or administrator to address the bullying immediately as you school should be a safe place for you.
Not knowing any of your fellow students or their interests is tough but I would like to offer you the following suggestion so that you may start to make new friends. Think about what interests you have and sign up for some activities around those interests. Being around people who share some of the same interests will allow you to start to build new relationships.
I am an 8th grade girl and a student at a private school outside of Boston, Massachusetts. I have had a great time in middle school but so far, 8th grade is completely different than what I thought it would be. All of a sudden, all my friends care about are clothes, phones, computers, makeup and haircuts. Last year, in 7th grade, none of that stuff mattered. Everyone was different but we liked that about each other. Sure, some of my friends had nicer clothes and phones than me, but nobody ever made a big deal about it. This year things are changing, though. The other day, my friend Molly got her hair highlighted and my friends started saying that we should all get ours done the same way. A few days later, Amy, Sarah, and Angela got the new iPhone and everyone else said that they’re going to get it too so we can make a big group chat and talk after school. The problem is, my parents can’t afford to get me any of that stuff. My mom and dad each work two jobs just so I can afford to go to my school. I’ve always known that my friends’ parents have more money than mine, but it never mattered until this year. It seems like all my friends want to talk about are the newest shoes, purses, and phones. When I try to change the subject to something else, no one listens. The other day when we all went to the mall together, everyone decided to buy matching sneakers, but I was the only one who didn’t bring enough money. It was really embarrassing, and I feel like if I don’t start getting the same things as my friends, they won’t like me anymore. I already feel left out on the days when they all wear the same shoes and I know I’m going to be the only one who isn’t in the group chat and I will miss everything! What should I do?
It's always a confusing thing to see friendships and groups change over time. Unfortunately, like the stages we go through in life, relationships go through different stages as well. Assuming you've known Molly, Amy, Sarah, and Angela for a good amount of time, this may just be a temporary fixation on materialism. Also, as friends of yours, I'm sure they're aware of your family's economic struggles. Try and broach the topic with them in a friendly, non-accusatory way. Financial issues are nothing to be ashamed of, and try to point out that it's creating a superficial gap between you all as friends.
If they are unwilling to listen to your heart-to-heart, then consider branching out from your friend group. I know the unknown is scary, but school is full of people of various backgrounds and interests. It is comforting to know who your friends are, but it isn't worth sticking around people who are not going to value you as a person.
I am a sixth grade boy attending a Catholic school in Detroit, Michigan. I have never been overly excited when it comes to school but have always for the most part stayed out of trouble. This year has been extremely different though as i have found myself constantly in trouble.
I lost a number of very close family members and also my school principal who I was very close with and could turn to when I needed assistance. My parents and family members keep telling me to man up and not show emotion because it is a sign of weakness. Due to the fear of showing emotion I seem to only feel anger and happiness right now. Whenever I am uncomfortable I tend to cause an issue in class with either another student or the teacher. I am now being labeled as the bad kid and bully. I hurt and and feel I am at the end of the line. Is there anyone or a place I can turn to for help?
First off, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your family members. I know how hard it can be to go through something like that at your age. I wonder if there is a school counselor that you could talk to. Also, considering you attend catholic school, maybe the parish priest or another religious figure would be able to sit down and talk with you about how you feel. Even one of your teachers could be a great resource.
I also want you to realize that it is perfectly okay for you to show emotion, especially in this hard time. I know that it is easier said than done, but I want you to think about the word "trust." Who is the first person that comes to mind when you hear that word? If possible, ask them if they have time to talk. Be honest with that person. It will be hard, but tell them how you feel and why.
Another thing you can do is to think of an activity you really enjoy. Maybe you like to draw or play soccer. Try to get out some of your anger when you're participating in your favorite activity. Do a few extra laps during practice, or draw something that describes how you feel. That may make it easier to deal with your emotions in a healthy way. You may even have a talk with your teacher and see if it would be okay to talk a short walk or doodle when you begin to feel uncomfortable during class.
I am a boy in the 5th grade and just a couple of weeks ago, my family and I moved to another part of the state. When we moved to the new house and I changed schools, things got totally different. I was in elementary for the first month of 5th grade and now I'm in middle school. The kids are so much different from my last school and the way I have classes changed as well!
The reason I'm writing you is that at my old school everyone knew me. In third grade, I made a new friend that had been sick. He was bald due to his illness and I wanted to help. So I started growing my hair to donate it to other kids that needed it. My hair is blonde and everyone liked that I trying to help others. Now that I'm at my new school, no one knows me and I get picked on each day about my "girly" hair! My parents tell me that I need to grow it about 1 more inch before I can donate it. I don’t know if I can handle all this name calling any longer. When I get on the bus, some kids pull my hair and others ask if I'm really just a girl dressed like a boy. What should I do? What can I do about it? Can I just ask to be home schooled until it’s long enough to be cut? Can I go back to my old school? Please help me!
First of all, I would like you to know how special a young man you are for your selfless and generous act of growing your hair to donate to other children like your friend who have lost their hair due to illness. As far as the children on the bus who have pulled your hair or asked if you are a girl dressed like a boy, it is best if you name the bullying that is happening to you by telling the children to stop followed by how their actions make you feel. It would also be a good idea to talk to your parents about being bullied by children on the bus over the length of your hair. As blessed and proud as your parents must feel to have a son in you who clearly has compassion for children that are suffering, I am confident that your parents would do all they could to support you. I suggest that your parents contact your school’s principal, your teachers, and possibly the parents of the children who have been bullying you as soon as possible. Your school should have a zero tolerance policy on bullying and must respond accordingly to ensure that you are no longer being bullied. Your parents may want to encourage your school’s officials to take a hard look at the effectiveness of the school’s anti-bullying program to ensure the program is being supported school-wide by all teachers who make time for relevant discussions about bullying. I believe there exists a learning opportunity for all adults and children involved once your parents advocate for you by telling your story. You are an amazing person, and every adult and child associated with your school and its surrounding community will see that too. I think that you have an opportunity to spread the compassion you have for helping children who are suffering by sharing your story with as many people you can. Your parents can help you share your story and maybe get the whole school involved in other ways to help similar children. Feel free to write me anytime, I am interested in knowing how you make out after talking with your parents.
Dear Abby, I’m a seventh grader at Arkham Middle School, and I was wondering if you could give me some advice on a situation that I’ve found myself in. A few months ago I started hanging out with a new group of friends at school. At first they were really exciting and funny, because my old friends only liked to do homework and play video games. My new friends like to roam around town after school, finding fun things to do. But this is where things get tricky! While normally the things they like to do are harmless, like playing paintball in the woods or skipping rocks at the pond, my friend had a new idea last week. He decided to steal a letter off of the town hall sign, and left a ransom note! He claims the ransom note was a joke, but he’s making me keep the giant letter at my house. What am I supposed to do? I don’t want my new friend to think I don’t have a sense of humor, but I think we can get in a lot of trouble. Me especially, since the letter is in MY room. If my mom or dad find out about this, I’ll definitely be grounded. I don’t even see the point in taking the letter in the first place! Sincerely, ETERNALLY CONFUSED
Dear Eternally Confused, First, think about why your group of friends would make you keep the letter at your house. I am glad that you realize that there is something wrong with the situation. They could be testing your loyalty to see whether you will rat them out. They could simply be using you as a scapegoat in case they get caught. Do you want to hang out with a group that breaks the law? Do you want to hang out with a group who would blame you for their illegal activities? Think deeply about these questions. Also, you should definitely tell your parents about this. If you think they will ground you without listening to you, then go to your school counselor for a mediator. After you tell a trusted adult, you should return the letter to the town hall, and explain that the ransom note was written as a joke. You might not want to tell on your friends, but this situation is serious, and you need to make sure everyone involved takes responsibility for their actions. It is better to have no friends and a clean conscience than a group of law-breaking friends and a guilty conscience. Since you are honest, you will make new friends later on.
Dear Abby, I'm a girl who just went into the seventh grade. I really enjoy school and everything I learn and my teachers. I have made two great friends here and we hang out all the time together either at our houses or going out to the mall or movies! They are always here for me when I need them and I'm always there for them. However Everyone seems to have a lot of friends or a group of friends and I only have two. I keep trying to make my way into the popular kids but they won't even talk to me. It's seems like the more I try the less the popular kids see me. The reason I want more friends isn't because my two close friends aren't good friends because they are, but I think that the more friends you have the more popular you seem. Now my close friends seem upset with me and go out without me or don't invite me. Am I doing something wrong? I know I'm a good friend and would do anything for anyone, so why does it seem like I am losing friends rather than gaining them? -lost and confused
I have a question for you, why do you want to be with the popular kids? You might see them as popular, but who's to say that you're not just as popular? Popular is defined as "someone liked, admired, or enjoyed by many people or by a particular person or group". When you talk about how you love school, learning and your teachers so much, who's to say your not liked by them equally in return? Then thinking about it, you also have not only one but two great friends who admire you. It doesn't sound like anyone in your current group of friends is asking you to change. You shouldn't have to make others like you. They seem that they would like you just the way you are and you look quite popular to them. If you have to do or say something that you wouldn't normally do, then you're not being true to yourself. Reading your letter gives me the impression that your life is pretty good. Popularity is something that can change with the wind, but good friends take time and strong connections. It's nice to want to be involved with others but be sure that these other people are healthy for you as well. I would recommend that you go and speak with your good friends. Communication is the first step to getting back on track. Tell them how you feel and let them reassure you that you're perfect the way you are, with no need to change. Ask them how they are feeling? Being popular shouldn't destroy your bonds with your friends, and if it does, then is it really worth it? I hope that you patch things up with your friends and see how truly great real friends can be.
Dear Abby, I am a sixth grade girl at Park View Middle School. I have been having some trouble in school lately. Academically, I am overachieving. It’s the social aspect I need advice with. Last year I was in elementary school. Here it was ok to be friends with everyone, there was no such thing as cliques. Now I am on the soccer team and am expected to hangout with only the girls on the team. Of course, I love to hangout with them they are my friends. However, they get mad at me when I want to hangout with my old friends. I just don’t understand why I can’t be friends with both groups. Why am I expected to only hangout with them. I have even contemplated quitting my soccer team so that I have the freedom to socialize with who ever I want to. I don’t know what to do. Should I quit the sport I love so that I can have my old friends back or do I let my old friends hate me?
Dear Nicole, I understand your concern. You've worked so hard to earn a spot on a school sports team which has come with a new set of friends. These friends are very important as you are going to travel and play with these girls, but your old friends are equally important! You shouldn't have to give up your old friends in order to feel comfortable around your new ones. I suggest you talk to the girls on the team about it and explain that you can have two sets of friends and they are both equally as important. If they are true friends they will understand! your old friends should also understand that these new friends are important and you may have to spend a little more time with them during the season but this is no reason for them to worry because they should know they are equally as important! Don't quit the sport you love so dearly to make accommodations for something that may just be a misunderstanding between friends! Sincerely, Abby
Dear Abby, I am boy just entering the seventh grade. If there is one thing I want to do while I'm here is get into the Gifted Program at my school. It's not fair, those kids get all of the best teachers and the best field trips while I get teachers that only scream and keep us inside. It's shocking when I get to school and see them all smiling and happy. I don't feel like that about school anymore sometimes I don't even want to show up. I hate the team I'm in, they're all dumb and act like animals sometimes. I feel bad for Mrs. Adams during Pre- Algebra, no one listens to her. School is so boring to me now. My parents don't really know how to switch me into the other team. I'm not sure they even get why I want to switch. Is there anything you think I can do? - The "Regular" Kid
I know how tough it can be to want to speak up for yourself. Sometimes the best voice is yourself. What if you went and talked to your guidance officer or assistant principal. They would be more then happy to help. Make sure you tell them EXACTLY how you are feeling. Speaking up, is better then not speaking up. If you don't say anything, their is nothing that can be done to help the situation.
Also, maybe try to talk to your pre- algebra teacher. Tell her how you feel sorry for her that the other kids misbehave. She will respect you and realize that you notice what is going on. This way she separates you from the other students.
Goodluck, remember, always speak up when it comes your well being.
DEAR ABBY: I am in seventh grade. After I finished elementary school, my parents decided to move to a town with a high-quality education system. I moved to the United States from another country when I was seven, and my parents put a lot of emphasis on my education. In sixth grade, I put a lot of work into my classes because I came from a town that did not have such a good education system. Since I wanted to catch up with my peers in middle school, I spent a lot of time on my academics. I got straight A+’s in all my classes.
ReplyDeleteI am a good student. I have self-discipline, and I’m friendly towards my classmates. I have a close friend, and we sometimes talk and hang out after school. However, I feel that I am alone all the time. I am not popular, not like I was in my old elementary school. When there is group work, I’m usually the one left out. During lunch, nobody sits with me. Gradually, I realized I had a lack of self-confidence when I was around my peers. I want to make friends, but it is difficult for me. What should I do to assimilate into the new school environment?
Dear seventh grade student,
DeleteIt sounds like you have are great family that wants the best for you. It is very important to have a supportive family that is always there for you when you need them. Making the transition into a new school and a new country is a very tough change. Even though you have a close friend, you can try to start to make connections and form friendships with others. You can try a few things to start making the connections with your peers and even with your teachers inside and outside of the classroom. When your inside of the classroom and it is time for group work, try to make the initiative to join a group. If that makes you nervous you can also talk to the classroom teacher who can place you in a group so you are not left out. Group settings provide for a great opportunity to make connections with other students in your class. The cafeteria is also a good place where you can make connections with other kids your age. Next time you are walking into the cafeteria and are looking for a place to sit, try to sit with someone from one of your classes that you think you can make a connection with. Lastly, to get away from the classroom/school setting, you should join an after-school program like theater, sports, or student government. You should bring your friend with you so you can both try something new and meet new people. Good luck making connections, I believe that you can do it and that you will gain many friends!
-Abby
DEAR ABBY: I am now in my second month of being a seventh grader. This is the first year of middle school and it is overwhelming. I absolutely loved elementary school because I was really close to the teachers and I had a solid group of friends. All of my really close friends are on a different team than I am on. I feel virtually alone in all of my classes and I feel like I do not have anyone to talk to. I am usually outgoing and very talkative, but I have not acted myself lately.
ReplyDeleteThe part of day that I dread the most is when the bell rings to go to the next class. I am constantly being bullied when I am in the hallways. I am an overweight kid with glasses and braces, so I am an easy target. I just want people to accept me for who I am. I have tried to talk to my parents about my situation, but I feel like they just do not understand what I am going through. What do you think I can do to be accepted by my fellow classmates? –SEVENTH GRADE STRUGGLES
Dear Seventh Grade Struggles,
DeleteYou sound like a great and a cool kid. You should look for the classmates who make you feel good and surround yourself with them. Nobody should walk around afraid; talk with a principal or teacher if you need to. Don’t forget, you can still see your friends before and after school, during lunch, and in the halls between classes. If you feel alone during classes, try talking to new people in the class or asking your friends if they know anyone in that class. Also, being alone isn’t a bad thing during class; it allows you to focus on content and notetaking. Keep in touch with your friends.
Abby
DEAR ABBY: I am a seventh grade boy, and I feel scared. Every day after school, I get home to an empty house. It’s awesome! No one is there to force me to do my homework or eat my vegetables. My mom gets home around 7:00 to make me and my older brother dinner and she leaves around 9:00 for her hospital job. My father comes home around 8:30, typically stumbling drunk, and yells at me for having my clothes everywhere. His punches don’t hurt when he drinks. Afterwards, he goes upstairs with my mom and I hear both of them yelling at each other. My mom leaves the house for work crying.
ReplyDeleteWhen my mom gets home the next morning after work, she sometimes has bruises or a black eye. When my brother gets out of the shower, I notice he has cut marks up his arm. When I ask him about it, he pushes me and tells me that it’s “none-ya.” I want to cry in bed at night, but my dad says real guys don’t cry. I feel scared. What should I do? -SCARED SEVENTH GRADER
Dear Scared Seventh Grader,
DeleteBeing alone at home may seem awesome but there are other things you can do after school. Try to see if there are any after school programs that interest you. Try talking to your guidance counselor about what program =s you school has. These programs are a great way to meet others and keep you occupied while your parents are at work.
Regarding what goes on at home, just be sure that it is not your fault. Find an adult that you trust and feel comfortable with and talk about it. Feel free to express your emotions, regardless of gender everyone should be able to express how they feel. Don’t think that because you cry you are less of a boy, crying when you are upset is good for you.
Your friend,
ABBY
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI am an eighth grade student at an inner city middle school located in Chicago, Illinois. My family and I recently moved from a small town named Bethlehem, New Hampshire to Chicago after my father was transferred to the Boeing Headquarters where he is an engineer. Although I have always enjoyed going to school and have always excelled academically, it has been a difficult adjustment for me at my new school. Chicago is only the second place I have ever lived, so in comparison to Bethlehem, New Hampshire it feels like the world went and got itself in some sort of hurry. In Bethlehem, I had a core of friends who went to the same school and lived in the same neighborhood as me; whereas in Chicago I have no friends - partly because my family and I live in a high-rise condo on the outskirts of the city.
At my old school in Bethlehem I felt valued and accepted by my peers for my friendly, caring, and humorous personality traits. Here in Chicago, getting someone to say hello back is something of an accomplishment; never mind having someone get to know me long enough to find out we have common interests. Just when I thought things could not get any worse for me at my new school, they did when I was bullied by another eighth grade boy in the corridor between classes last Friday. I do not know much about the boy, nor does he know much about me, but he decided to say some hurtful things about my weight while his friends and other students watched. Now the weekend is here and for the first time in my life I am not looking forward to going to school on Monday. I have no friends to share my dilemma with and have not been able to talk with my parents about it. I am writing to you today because it feels easier to ask for advice in an informal way like through your column. I would appreciate any insight you can offer that would help me with my current situation.
Sincerely,
Eighth Grade Student
Dear Eight Grade Student,
DeleteMoving away from everything you have known into a foreign land is tough and being met with bullying makes it even tougher. Without knowing your bully I can not tell you why he targeted you, however, I would ask that you talk to a teacher or administrator to address the bullying immediately as you school should be a safe place for you.
Not knowing any of your fellow students or their interests is tough but I would like to offer you the following suggestion so that you may start to make new friends. Think about what interests you have and sign up for some activities around those interests. Being around people who share some of the same interests will allow you to start to build new relationships.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI am an 8th grade girl and a student at a private school outside of Boston, Massachusetts. I have had a great time in middle school but so far, 8th grade is completely different than what I thought it would be. All of a sudden, all my friends care about are clothes, phones, computers, makeup and haircuts. Last year, in 7th grade, none of that stuff mattered. Everyone was different but we liked that about each other. Sure, some of my friends had nicer clothes and phones than me, but nobody ever made a big deal about it. This year things are changing, though. The other day, my friend Molly got her hair highlighted and my friends started saying that we should all get ours done the same way. A few days later, Amy, Sarah, and Angela got the new iPhone and everyone else said that they’re going to get it too so we can make a big group chat and talk after school.
The problem is, my parents can’t afford to get me any of that stuff. My mom and dad each work two jobs just so I can afford to go to my school. I’ve always known that my friends’ parents have more money than mine, but it never mattered until this year. It seems like all my friends want to talk about are the newest shoes, purses, and phones. When I try to change the subject to something else, no one listens. The other day when we all went to the mall together, everyone decided to buy matching sneakers, but I was the only one who didn’t bring enough money. It was really embarrassing, and I feel like if I don’t start getting the same things as my friends, they won’t like me anymore. I already feel left out on the days when they all wear the same shoes and I know I’m going to be the only one who isn’t in the group chat and I will miss everything! What should I do?
Hi there!
DeleteIt's always a confusing thing to see friendships and groups change over time. Unfortunately, like the stages we go through in life, relationships go through different stages as well. Assuming you've known Molly, Amy, Sarah, and Angela for a good amount of time, this may just be a temporary fixation on materialism. Also, as friends of yours, I'm sure they're aware of your family's economic struggles. Try and broach the topic with them in a friendly, non-accusatory way. Financial issues are nothing to be ashamed of, and try to point out that it's creating a superficial gap between you all as friends.
If they are unwilling to listen to your heart-to-heart, then consider branching out from your friend group. I know the unknown is scary, but school is full of people of various backgrounds and interests. It is comforting to know who your friends are, but it isn't worth sticking around people who are not going to value you as a person.
Sincerely,
Abby
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI am a sixth grade boy attending a Catholic school in Detroit, Michigan. I have never been overly excited when it comes to school but have always for the most part stayed out of trouble. This year has been extremely different though as i have found myself constantly in trouble.
I lost a number of very close family members and also my school principal who I was very close with and could turn to when I needed assistance. My parents and family members keep telling me to man up and not show emotion because it is a sign of weakness. Due to the fear of showing emotion I seem to only feel anger and happiness right now. Whenever I am uncomfortable I tend to cause an issue in class with either another student or the teacher. I am now being labeled as the bad kid and bully. I hurt and and feel I am at the end of the line. Is there anyone or a place I can turn to for help?
Sincerely,
Emotionally confused
Dear Emotionally confused,
DeleteFirst off, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your family members. I know how hard it can be to go through something like that at your age. I wonder if there is a school counselor that you could talk to. Also, considering you attend catholic school, maybe the parish priest or another religious figure would be able to sit down and talk with you about how you feel. Even one of your teachers could be a great resource.
I also want you to realize that it is perfectly okay for you to show emotion, especially in this hard time. I know that it is easier said than done, but I want you to think about the word "trust." Who is the first person that comes to mind when you hear that word? If possible, ask them if they have time to talk. Be honest with that person. It will be hard, but tell them how you feel and why.
Another thing you can do is to think of an activity you really enjoy. Maybe you like to draw or play soccer. Try to get out some of your anger when you're participating in your favorite activity. Do a few extra laps during practice, or draw something that describes how you feel. That may make it easier to deal with your emotions in a healthy way. You may even have a talk with your teacher and see if it would be okay to talk a short walk or doodle when you begin to feel uncomfortable during class.
Sincerely,
Abby
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI am a boy in the 5th grade and just a couple of weeks ago, my family and I moved to another part of the state. When we moved to the new house and I changed schools, things got totally different. I was in elementary for the first month of 5th grade and now I'm in middle school. The kids are so much different from my last school and the way I have classes changed as well!
The reason I'm writing you is that at my old school everyone knew me. In third grade, I made a new friend that had been sick. He was bald due to his illness and I wanted to help. So I started growing my hair to donate it to other kids that needed it. My hair is blonde and everyone liked that I trying to help others. Now that I'm at my new school, no one knows me and I get picked on each day about my "girly" hair! My parents tell me that I need to grow it about 1 more inch before I can donate it. I don’t know if I can handle all this name calling any longer. When I get on the bus, some kids pull my hair and others ask if I'm really just a girl dressed like a boy. What should I do? What can I do about it? Can I just ask to be home schooled until it’s long enough to be cut? Can I go back to my old school? Please help me!
From,
A sad long haired boy
Dear Fifth Grade Student,
DeleteFirst of all, I would like you to know how special a young man you are for your selfless and generous act of growing your hair to donate to other children like your friend who have lost their hair due to illness. As far as the children on the bus who have pulled your hair or asked if you are a girl dressed like a boy, it is best if you name the bullying that is happening to you by telling the children to stop followed by how their actions make you feel. It would also be a good idea to talk to your parents about being bullied by children on the bus over the length of your hair. As blessed and proud as your parents must feel to have a son in you who clearly has compassion for children that are suffering, I am confident that your parents would do all they could to support you. I suggest that your parents contact your school’s principal, your teachers, and possibly the parents of the children who have been bullying you as soon as possible. Your school should have a zero tolerance policy on bullying and must respond accordingly to ensure that you are no longer being bullied. Your parents may want to encourage your school’s officials to take a hard look at the effectiveness of the school’s anti-bullying program to ensure the program is being supported school-wide by all teachers who make time for relevant discussions about bullying. I believe there exists a learning opportunity for all adults and children involved once your parents advocate for you by telling your story. You are an amazing person, and every adult and child associated with your school and its surrounding community will see that too. I think that you have an opportunity to spread the compassion you have for helping children who are suffering by sharing your story with as many people you can. Your parents can help you share your story and maybe get the whole school involved in other ways to help similar children. Feel free to write me anytime, I am interested in knowing how you make out after talking with your parents.
Sincerely,
Abby
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI’m a seventh grader at Arkham Middle School, and I was wondering if you could give me some advice on a situation that I’ve found myself in. A few months ago I started hanging out with a new group of friends at school. At first they were really exciting and funny, because my old friends only liked to do homework and play video games. My new friends like to roam around town after school, finding fun things to do. But this is where things get tricky! While normally the things they like to do are harmless, like playing paintball in the woods or skipping rocks at the pond, my friend had a new idea last week. He decided to steal a letter off of the town hall sign, and left a ransom note! He claims the ransom note was a joke, but he’s making me keep the giant letter at my house.
What am I supposed to do? I don’t want my new friend to think I don’t have a sense of humor, but I think we can get in a lot of trouble. Me especially, since the letter is in MY room. If my mom or dad find out about this, I’ll definitely be grounded. I don’t even see the point in taking the letter in the first place!
Sincerely,
ETERNALLY CONFUSED
Dear Eternally Confused,
DeleteFirst, think about why your group of friends would make you keep the letter at your house. I am glad that you realize that there is something wrong with the situation. They could be testing your loyalty to see whether you will rat them out. They could simply be using you as a scapegoat in case they get caught. Do you want to hang out with a group that breaks the law? Do you want to hang out with a group who would blame you for their illegal activities? Think deeply about these questions. Also, you should definitely tell your parents about this. If you think they will ground you without listening to you, then go to your school counselor for a mediator. After you tell a trusted adult, you should return the letter to the town hall, and explain that the ransom note was written as a joke. You might not want to tell on your friends, but this situation is serious, and you need to make sure everyone involved takes responsibility for their actions. It is better to have no friends and a clean conscience than a group of law-breaking friends and a guilty conscience. Since you are honest, you will make new friends later on.
Sincerely,
Abby
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI'm a girl who just went into the seventh grade. I really enjoy school and everything I learn and my teachers. I have made two great friends here and we hang out all the time together either at our houses or going out to the mall or movies! They are always here for me when I need them and I'm always there for them.
However Everyone seems to have a lot of friends or a group of friends and I only have two. I keep trying to make my way into the popular kids but they won't even talk to me. It's seems like the more I try the less the popular kids see me. The reason I want more friends isn't because my two close friends aren't good friends because they are, but I think that the more friends you have the more popular you seem. Now my close friends seem upset with me and go out without me or don't invite me. Am I doing something wrong? I know I'm a good friend and would do anything for anyone, so why does it seem like I am losing friends rather than gaining them? -lost and confused
Dear lost and confused,
DeleteI have a question for you, why do you want to be with the popular kids? You might see them as popular, but who's to say that you're not just as popular? Popular is defined as "someone liked, admired, or enjoyed by many people or by a particular person or group". When you talk about how you love school, learning and your teachers so much, who's to say your not liked by them equally in return? Then thinking about it, you also have not only one but two great friends who admire you. It doesn't sound like anyone in your current group of friends is asking you to change. You shouldn't have to make others like you. They seem that they would like you just the way you are and you look quite popular to them. If you have to do or say something that you wouldn't normally do, then you're not being true to yourself. Reading your letter gives me the impression that your life is pretty good. Popularity is something that can change with the wind, but good friends take time and strong connections. It's nice to want to be involved with others but be sure that these other people are healthy for you as well. I would recommend that you go and speak with your good friends. Communication is the first step to getting back on track. Tell them how you feel and let them reassure you that you're perfect the way you are, with no need to change. Ask them how they are feeling? Being popular shouldn't destroy your bonds with your friends, and if it does, then is it really worth it? I hope that you patch things up with your friends and see how truly great real friends can be.
Sincerely,
Abby
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI am a sixth grade girl at Park View Middle School. I have been having some trouble in school lately. Academically, I am overachieving. It’s the social aspect I need advice with. Last year I was in elementary school. Here it was ok to be friends with everyone, there was no such thing as cliques. Now I am on the soccer team and am expected to hangout with only the girls on the team. Of course, I love to hangout with them they are my friends. However, they get mad at me when I want to hangout with my old friends. I just don’t understand why I can’t be friends with both groups. Why am I expected to only hangout with them. I have even contemplated quitting my soccer team so that I have the freedom to socialize with who ever I want to. I don’t know what to do. Should I quit the sport I love so that I can have my old friends back or do I let my old friends hate me?
Dear Nicole,
DeleteI understand your concern. You've worked so hard to earn a spot on a school sports team which has come with a new set of friends. These friends are very important as you are going to travel and play with these girls, but your old friends are equally important! You shouldn't have to give up your old friends in order to feel comfortable around your new ones. I suggest you talk to the girls on the team about it and explain that you can have two sets of friends and they are both equally as important. If they are true friends they will understand! your old friends should also understand that these new friends are important and you may have to spend a little more time with them during the season but this is no reason for them to worry because they should know they are equally as important! Don't quit the sport you love so dearly to make accommodations for something that may just be a misunderstanding between friends!
Sincerely,
Abby
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI am boy just entering the seventh grade. If there is one thing I want to do while I'm here is get into the Gifted Program at my school. It's not fair, those kids get all of the best teachers and the best field trips while I get teachers that only scream and keep us inside. It's shocking when I get to school and see them all smiling and happy. I don't feel like that about school anymore sometimes I don't even want to show up. I hate the team I'm in, they're all dumb and act like animals sometimes. I feel bad for Mrs. Adams during Pre- Algebra, no one listens to her. School is so boring to me now. My parents don't really know how to switch me into the other team. I'm not sure they even get why I want to switch. Is there anything you think I can do? - The "Regular" Kid
dear "regular kid,"
DeleteI know how tough it can be to want to speak up for yourself. Sometimes the best voice is yourself. What if you went and talked to your guidance officer or assistant principal. They would be more then happy to help. Make sure you tell them EXACTLY how you are feeling. Speaking up, is better then not speaking up. If you don't say anything, their is nothing that can be done to help the situation.
Also, maybe try to talk to your pre- algebra teacher. Tell her how you feel sorry for her that the other kids misbehave. She will respect you and realize that you notice what is going on. This way she separates you from the other students.
Goodluck, remember, always speak up when it comes your well being.
-ABBY